my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
