Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
