your room smells of hookers.
And success
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
