Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
