I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Small penises have feelings too.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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