It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
