how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
