I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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