you turned your livingroom into a bong?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
