I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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