look no pants
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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