I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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