My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Randomize
