How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
