Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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