Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
