how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
