Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
