is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just gargled with NyQuil
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
