fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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