id be glad to
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
