Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Watching her eat just hurts me
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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