i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
