I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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