Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
