Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
