dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
