I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
