my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The dick lei will go down in squad history
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
