Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
