I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
