And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
