i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
