I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
