dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
