He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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