I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize