worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
