rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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