i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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