I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
