Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
