Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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