So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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