i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
