3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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