the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
