i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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