im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
