So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
