If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
