I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
