he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
