You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
