Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
