doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Pooping to opera.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
