Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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