dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We just shotgunned beers for America
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
