so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
