I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
