you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Did I show you my penis last night?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
