pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
