I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
