dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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