Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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